After getting the call, that car ride never seemed to end. Rocking back and forth in my passenger seat, attempting to keep my shaking and shuddering body under control, I felt my whole life with my mom flash before my eyes. I was only 27 on that day – I can’t lose my mom now I kept thinking. I have my whole life ahead of me with her. I don’t have kids yet, haven't had grandkids for her to love yet - I can’t have kids without her. She’s my mom and I need her. I need her, I need her, I need her. That’s all I remember going through my head that entire seeming-like-eternity ride. All I knew was there was something terrible happening to my mom and I just was not there.
At some point I called my brother, and thankfully got ahold of him. I still had absolutely no idea what was going on! Once I spoke with him, I was comforted to hear something but more upset by what I did hear. He arrived at the house - the house I lived in for 25 years - in a flash, he said by driving nearly 100 miles per hour down the single road to their house. Not only driving nearly 100 miles per hour, but driving that fast with knives sitting under the floor mat of the passenger seat. Leaving his own house in such a crazed panic, he said it was just a reaction to grab them from the kitchen knife holder on his way bounding out the door as he had no idea what was going on over at their house. Robbers? Intruders? No idea – grab some protection is what went through his head.
As he’s talking to me I hear the commotion in the background, voices, sirens, just noise is what I remember. The bits I recall hearing from him is that dad found mom laying unconscious in the indoor hot tub in their den and he couldn't wake her. The paramedics arrived just about the time my brother did and thankfully they were able to get her to come to. With my ears feeling clogged shut, not wanting to hear one more stomach-sickening thing, he continued to say she was conscious and somewhat coherent, but couldn’t move the entire right side of her body. What? My mom not being able to move the side of her body? You're crazy and don't know what you are talking about. That's when I think my ears and my entire body began to shut down. I distinctly remember while he was telling me all this that he seemed to be not telling the whole, 100% truth to me. I just felt my big brother was making it sound better than it was, as awful as it even did sound already.
I need her, I need her, I need her. I have not had kids yet.
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My mom suffered from a subarachnoid hemorrhage caused by a ruptured brain aneurysm on January 19, 2008. This event changed her life and the lives of those around her forever. This is my story.
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About Me
- Working Mama
- IL, United States
- I am a 32 year old working mom. My oldest baby girl, who was recently diagnosed with pseudoachondroplasia (a form of dwarfism) was born Christmas morning in 2009 and we are awaiting the arrival of my second daugher in April 2012. I enjoy every moment spent with family. Life is so precious and special and we all need to take in every moment. My family is the most important thing to me in the entire world and I cherish every moment with my daughter and husband.
6 comments:
Thanks for your post to my blog.
You have a very good blog here. I understand the pain you are dealing with.
My wife pulled me thru the times I had when I survived a ruptured brain aneurysm.
Your mom is going to need every bit of support you can muster up. It took me almost a year before I even realized that I had problems that I did not know how to handle.
Memory gone. Simple every day tasks, gone. The brain can play some pretty funny games some times.
Stay happy and support your mother. After reading your blog I think you have what it takes.
Richard Tolar...
Today is the first anniversary of the craniotomy I had to clip my ruptured aneurysm. I came across your blog as I was rambling around the internet looking at aneurysm materials.
So sorry to hear about your mom. Your blog is a good reminder of how aneurysms affect way more than just the person whose brain exploded.
I hope you mom is now doing well, and it is wonderful she has your support.
As for me, you'd think to look at me that I'm okay. Brain injuries are funny that way, you still look the same but you're really not. I try to act the same for the sake of my friends and family (they feel better when I act better), but often it is just acting. Maybe if I act long enough, I'll really truly come back to myself. At least that's my hope.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Congratulations on your one year 'anniversary'. What an amazing feeling I'm sure, right? I am curious...how do you feel you are now diffent and how are these things you can hide from your family and friends. I am sorry you are going through this and having to feel that way.
The differences, which might seem small but actually are signifcant, are ones that I can hide by keeping my mouth shut.
I am much more emotional than I ever was. Noises, particularly multiple noises at one time, are intolerable. I leave as soon as I can keeping my mouth shut about why.
I don't want to be coddled or treated differently, and I don't want people to worry about me, so I try to have the same strength of personality that I used to have, but no longer have.
I lived with myself long enough to be able to imitate my old self no matter what my new self is feeling.
Amazing! You have been through a lot. It's great to hear that you have such a strong bond with your mother. I couldn't imagine going through what you're dealing with but I praise you for being strong and having the desire for your mom to be around for your future kids. It is so important.
I was 12 when my mom had an Aneurysm on January 7, 2009. The doctors told my dad she had about a 30% chance of survival. And yet someone she made it through her surgery. But she wasn't the same women i grew up to know and love. Anyways, on December 17th my dad said it was time to take her home and help her get back to normal. I guess the doctors messed up with her medication and for the first 3 days she was home my dad didn't give her the meds the way the doctors told him to. On the 4th day my dad decided he should do it the way doctors told him. The next day she wouldn't wake up for breakfast and my dad had to call the paramedics. She died 3 days later. And this wasn't her first aneurysm either...I was to young to remember her first one.
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